


Losing Face

by Alex__trash



Series: Your City Gave me Asthma [1]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Real Person Fiction
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Arguing, Blood and Violence, Calling for help, Character Death In Dream, Crying, Dadza, Dave | Technoblade and Wilbur Soot and TommyInnit are Siblings, Death in hallucination, Dysfunctional Family, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Hallucinations, Hearing Voices, Hopeful Ending, Hugging, Hurt Childen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Internal Conflict, Internal Dialogue, POV Alternating, Sad Dave | Technoblade, Sad with a Happy Ending, Selectively Mute Technoblade, Suicidal Thoughts, Swords, Training, Twins, Violent Thoughts, Vomiting, Wilbur Soot and Technoblade are Twins, Worried Philza, sleepy bois inc - Freeform, violent hallucinations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:28:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27805342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alex__trash/pseuds/Alex__trash
Summary: Philza had taught his boys how to fight, training them in the dangerous world they happened to be a part of. Techno was by far the best fighter of the three, but sometimes he would go too far. Sometimes, Phil was afraid of his own son. Unfortunately, his fear may be justified. When Tommy becomes just too annoying, and Techno can’t ignore the screaming inside of him, the family has to adjust.
Series: Your City Gave me Asthma [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2034409
Comments: 4
Kudos: 397





	1. It's a visceral coming-to

**Author's Note:**

> This will be part of a series of oneshots, an AU based around the SBI, there’s not a lot of world building. I hope everything is understandable and that y’all enjoy it. This story gets a little violent and there’s an intense internal struggle. Trigger warning for blood, violence, hearing voices, and internal struggle.

The difference between Wilbur and Techno was obvious, although the two were twins they looked nothing alike. However, that’s not where the main difference was, it lay beneath the surface. Where Wilbur found comfort in music, Techno found comfort in violence. Wilbur hated training with his father, although he knew it was necessary. Techno couldn’t wait for training, he would even sneak out at night to spill more blood. The twins couldn’t be more different, the only thing connecting them was their love for the other.

Then there was Tommy, who wanted so desperately to be like his brothers. He was stuck between which one to be, or to be himself. He tried training, but he could never catch up to Techno’s skills. He tried music, but he didn’t have the love that Wilbur did. Phil advised him to just do what he wanted, but Tommy didn’t know what he really wanted. 

The three boys were happy, or as happy as they could be. Phil took care of them as well as he could, and he did a rather good job. He knew that his boys were struggling a lot, but they did well despite their issues. Phil was proud of his boys, and he loved them all with his entire heart.

It was a rough training day, and all three boys were tired. Wilbur was taking a break, sitting beside his jukebox and humming along to one of Tommy’s discs. Techno and Tommy had refused a break, although Phil knew that Tommy really didn’t want to. The two kept sparring, Tommy pestering his brother to stop holding back.

Even from his place on the porch, Phil could see Techno roll his eyes. The pestering from his younger brother was almost certainly getting under his skin, as his attacks became more violent and sudden. Phil thought about stepping in, but he trusted both of the boys to handle themselves. Techno even apologized after close swings or rough pushes that were sure to leave bruises.

Phil decided it was safe to go inside and start dinner once Wilbur stood and joined his brothers. If anything went too far, Wilbur would be able to handle it. The second he left, Tommy got about twenty percent more annoying for his brothers.

“Technooooo, please let's use the diamond swords! I can handle it, I know I can! Wilbur, tell him!”

Tommy looked towards Wilbur to get his support, but the man just smiled down at him. Tommy scoffed and reluctantly went back to his stance. He desperately wanted the harder training, but Techno and Phil kept him on the iron weapons. He didn’t understand why, he was ready for the bigger swords. 

As Tommy and Techno fought, Wilbur watched from the sidelines watching as Techno got a little close on every swing. Tommy wasn’t helping the situation, egging on his brother with little quips at every move. Wilbur called out a small warning, calling both of them to be careful. Neither of his brothers seemed to get the message, as the battle just got more violent. Luckily, Techno swept the youngest to the ground and won the fight.

Tommy whined out, upset that he had lost and that he wasn’t allowed to go further. 

“C’mon, Techno! Fight me like a man, I can tell your holding back. And let me tell ya, I do not appreciate it!”   
  


Techno sighed, glaring at the young boy. He didn’t want to hurt the kid, but he was essentially begging for it. Inside his head, a little voice told him to go for it. He didn’t like to listen to that little voice, even as it continued to get louder. Tommy was ranting, spouting off at the mouth. Techno couldn’t really hear him. The little voice was speaking over his brother.

{Kill him.}

As Wilbur started to chide Tommy for his whining, Techno shook his head to get the voice out. He hated the violence that was inside him. Outside of his mind, Tommy pushed Wilbur away and raised his sword. He shouted for his brother to fight him. Techno pushed himself to ignore everything, and calm down. 

Everything was bubbling up, and it came to it’s eruption when Tommy rushed towards his brother. The voice inside screamed at Techno that the danger must be killed, that he must spill its blood. Techno succumbed, and he lashed out. 

Within seconds, Tommy’s sword had been flung out of his hand. Yet Techno didn't stop, he went for a killing blow. The sword would have landed, and taken the life of the young boy if Wilbur hadn’t been watching.

The oldest of the boys had seen his twin start to slip, knowing that something bad could be happening within his mind. When he lashed out, Wilbur sprung into action. He wasn’t able to act as fast as he had wanted, and was only able to push Tommy away from a killing strike. The young boy still was hit by the blade, ripping open the skin on his arm. 

Tommy fell, a scream coming from his throat. He gripped at his arm, holding the bleeding appendage. Techno still didn’t slow down, his sword going for another strike. Wilbur ducked, and hit his brother shin hard with his elbow. The man fell forward, and his eyes focused back to the world. He froze, the sword falling out of his hand. 

Wilbur turned his attention to Tommy, who was still crying on the ground. The eldest brother helped his younger hold his arm, trying to assess the damage. Tommy cried out for his dad, and Wilbur joined the shouting. Soon, Phil came rushing out, a knife on his belt and a first-aid kit in hand. He shot a confused look at Wilbur, who simply shook his head and told him to help Tommy.

Phil quickly went to work, patching up the child’s wound. Tommy continued crying as Wilbur turned his attention to Techno. His twin was still frozen, his eyes wide and terrified. The eldest slowly spoke to his brother, trying to get him back into a stable state. His brother’s hands shaking was the only sign he was even alive. His breathing had slowed, and Wilbur had not seen the man blink.

Techno’s mind was a war zone, he’d known that for a while. For the first time, he was actually fighting himself. One side of him angry, the other afraid. Why did he do that? He had tried to kill his brother, he almost did. If Wilbur hadn’t have acted, Tommy would be dead. If Techno was a little faster, the brat would be gone. No, that’s not what he was thinking. The confusion and rage within his mind was at a peak, and he could hear Wilbur’s voice. He must be so upset, so angry that Techno would do this. Maybe he should die as well. Maybe the only way to be happy was for the whole family to be gone.

No, that wasn’t what he was thinking.

{Kill them all, they can’t stop you. They’re all vulnerable, do it now.}

The only thing his mind could agree on was getting away, he just wanted to run. He couldn’t move, his body was frozen, and the blood that had been spilled kept playing in his mind. The stains on the grass stood out, the red glistening in the sun.

“Techno! Snap out of it!”

Suddenly, he was back, looking into his brother’s sad brown eyes. Tears pricked at the corners, and Techno felt himself reach out. Wilbur immediately responded, holding his brother’s hand tightly. He whispered soft words, kindness that Techno wasn’t expecting. He tried apologizing, but his voice wouldn’t work. Wilbur held his hand, “I know, I know.”

Tommy’s cries in the background hurt Techno’s heart, he wanted to say sorry. What was he even sorry for, he deserved it. No, he was just a kid and Techno had hurt him. It was an accident, one that wasn’t accidental at all. Wilbur understood, he had to. If he didn’t he would just get killed. No, Wilbur understood.

The apologies went unsaid, not that they weren’t there. His family would understand, they still loved him. Phil led Tommy inside, not letting the youngest into Techno’s view. He understood, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. Techno’s head hurt so much, he just wanted to rest.

“It’s okay, I’m here Techno. You don’t have to say anything.”

Techno wanted to say sorry, wanted to say that he was tired, wanted to say so much. Nothing would work though. He simply squeezed his brother's hand and cried. Wilbur held him, and Techno continued to cry. Minutes, hours, maybe even days went by before Techno could move. He pulled away from the hug, and attempted to stand. Wilbur helped him, and the two walked into their home. 

The rest of the family was nowhere to be found, but that was okay. The brothers went to their shared room, Wilbur setting Techno down on his bed. He squeezed his brother's hand, asking if he should stay. A tiny nod convinced him, and the two climbed into the bed together. 

They held each other carefully, Techno’s mind still racing. At some point, the younger twin fell asleep. Wilbur stayed by his side, worried out of his mind. While Techno slept, Phil knocked on the door. Wilbur called out that he could come in, just to be quiet.

Phil followed the instructions, and joined his sons. Wilbur tried explaining what had happened, but Phil just smiled and kissed his son's forehead.

“It’s okay, we will talk once Techno is with us. We need to hear him, even if it’s on paper.”

Wilbur nodded, understanding that Techno’s input was probably the most important. Besides Tommy, of course.

“How is Tommy?”

“He is okay, scared and in pain, but okay.”   
  


Wilbur nodded again, and curled back into his brother's grip. Phil left the two alone, going to check on his youngest. He hadn’t lied about Tommy’s condition, but he had simplified it greatly. The sword wound was rather deep and long, deliberately violent. It was very lucky it only hit where it did, a little bit of difference and Tommy could’ve easily died. Phil didn’t want to think about that. 

Tommy was awake in his bed, staring at the ceiling. His arm had multiple bandages along it, hiding the violence that had occurred. Phil wanted to cry, he should have been there. Two of his sons got hurt, and he wasn’t there. What would have happened if Wilbur hadn’t been watching. Phil hates thinking about it. 

“Hey kiddo, how are you feeling?”

At the question Tommy turned to his father and shrugged his good shoulder.

“No better, no worse. Why, you think I magically got better?”

The question was laced with sarcasm, but it still stung Phil to his core. He really was a piss poor father. He couldn’t take care of these kids, and the proof was right in front of him.

“Sorry kid, I just don’t know what else to say… Wilbur and Techno came into the house about an hour ago. I don’t know if you heard.”

“Well that’s good, innit? Are they alright then? Is - Is Techno really here?”

Phil paused, that was a good question, he didn’t really know the answer. That wasn’t good enough, though. He couldn’t just tell his son that his brother could still be out to kill him. 

“Honestly? I don’t know. I trust Wil, though. I don’t think they’d be inside if they weren’t really here.”

Tommy nodded, and turned back to the ceiling. Phil took the cue that the conversation was over. He felt terrible, he knew that he had messed up badly. This would take a lot of time and effort to move through, and all of his boys would forever remember this day.

Within the next few days, none of his boys left their rooms. Phil couldn’t blame any of them, and he dutifully gave each of them their meals every day. Most of the time, he would leave the two plates outside his twin’s room. Wilbur would usually say that Techno was awake, and didn’t want to see him. So Phil left the food at the door. Every time, he reminded all of his boys that he loved them. 

“I love you, Tommy.”

“Ugh, I know dad. Can you help with the bandages?”

“I love you Wilbur”

“Love you too, dad.”

“I love you, Technoblade.”

“...”

Phil researched a therapist, working himself to the bone to find someone that could help his boys. The first time Tommy came out of his room, Phil almost cried. The boy had just wanted a snack, but he had stood, and walked down the stairs. Phil couldn’t be prouder. He didn’t know when Wilbur started to leave, but soon the three of them were together again. 

Wilbur apologized a lot, especially to Tommy. Phil could tell he was trying to say it from Techno, who Phil had yet to see awake. That was okay, and the others talked to him. Phil brought up the idea of a therapist, and Wilbur agreed it could help but he couldn’t guarantee that Techno would go. Phil kept that in mind when searching. Tommy didn’t have an opinion, and he said he would go. Maybe this tragedy would turn out okay.

“Wilbur? Techno? I have your dinner.”

A pause, the scratching of pencil on paper, more silence.

“Come in, the door’s unlocked.”

Phil slowly opened the door, fully expecting to see Techno asleep or not in the room. Instead, he was met with his twins sitting in the middle of their room, pads of paper and multiple writing utensils between them. Phil beamed, and set down the food on their respective desks. 

“Thank you, both of you.” 

He paused before be left, 

“I love you, Wilbur”

“I love you too, dad”

“I love you, Technoblade.”

The scratching filled the room, and Phil squinted to see what his son had written. In small, neat writing, he read the little words.  _ Love you dad.  _ Phil almost broke down right then and there. Instead, he quickly left the two boys and closed the door softly behind him. He could hear Wilbur praising his brother, showering him with love and telling him he was very brave.

That was the first night Phil called someone, a number he had read online that could help parents. The lady that picked up asked if this was an emergency, and Phil had responded no. He was placed on hold, and waiting longer that he would have liked for another person to pick up. 

It was a kind sounding young man, who asked him why he called. Phil spat out everything that had happened recently, and that for the first time in weeks his son had communicated with him. The man listened, and gave Phil advice when necessary. He asked if they were okay, and Phil responded yes. He apologized for taking up the man's time, to which he responded very quietly.

“You shouldn’t apologize for seeking help. You said you’re looking for a therapist for your sons, maybe you should look for one for yourself as well. This is a traumatic event, and you went through it as well,”

Phil was quiet, and he thought about the advice for a very long time. Eventually, he told the man thank you and hung up. Maybe he should seek help, but his sons came first. They always did. Once Techno and Tommy can look at each other, Phil will find them all a place to talk to someone. It might take a while, but he was willing to wait.

It took longer than he thought. The first time Techno left his room, he was trailing behind Wilbur and clutching his hand. Phil smiled at the boys, and made sure that Tommy didn’t leave his room that night. Techno wrote to him a few times, simple notes that -- when Techno allowed -- Phil would keep and cherish. A lot of the notes were simple apologies, many of which Phil passed on to Tommy. The youngest would never respond, but he took them.

One night, Tommy handed Phil a piece of paper back. Phil thanked the boy, said his love, and left. He opened the note and cried. Techno’s small  _ I’m sorry _ was tiny compared to Tommy’s messy handwriting. Under Techno’s words it was scrawled out;  _ It’s not your fault.  _ Phil passed the note onto Techno, who -- according to Wilbur -- also cried. Phil called the parental help hotline again that night. He asked for good therapists for him and his sons. They gave him a few numbers, ones that he looked into that same night.

Things seemed to be looking up, and Tommy said he wanted to see Techno. When Phil asked the twins through the door of their room, he was given a note that said  _ I’m scared to see him, but I want to.  _ Phil gave the note to Tommy, who told Phil he would wait until Techno was ready. Phil told his son he was very smart, and brave, and that soon he could see his brother again. Phil told Techno what Tommy had said, and he got a nod in return. It had been almost two months since the incident, and Tommy’s arm had almost fully healed. There was a scar, and he heavily favored his right arm around the house, but the bandages and blood were no longer. 

It took another week or so for Phil to receive a note that made him cry again. The note simply read  _ I want to see Tommy, if he’s ok with that?  _ When Phil asked his youngest son, he replied that he missed his brother a lot. Phil smiled, and Tommy wrote on the back of the slip of paper.  _ I’m ready if you are, big man.  _

The next day, Phil had the plans for a family reunion in the living room. It was open and safe, close enough to everyone’s rooms that they could bail, and quiet enough that everyone could be heard. He had Wilbur help him set up a station for Techno to write his feelings, the furthest away from where Tommy usually sat. 

It was one in the afternoon when Tommy made his way to the living room. He sat in his chair, and smiled at Phil. The two made casual conversation until the sound of a door opening caught their attention. Slowly, two pairs of footsteps echoed through the silent halls. Soon enough, the twins could be seen. Techno was almost completely hidden behind Wilbur, who was giving words of encouragement. 

“Hey Wilbur, hey Techno.”

At Tommy’s words, the twins walked into the room and took their seats. Techno picked up some paper and quickly scribbled a note. He placed it facing Tommy, the words larger than usual, and underlined.

_ I’m sorry. _

Tommy looked at the note, and looked at his older brother. The man was staring down at the paper, his hands fidgeting with the pencil. 

“Techno, I want you to know that I’m not upset. I don’t know what happened. I'm confused, and scared. I really didn’t like the way you looked at me that day. What happened?”

Phil reached over to hold Tommy’s hand, knowing the boy needed some comfort. It took a little longer for Techno to write what he wanted to say, and the family waited patiently. When he set down the paper, he quickly retreated his hand and gripped onto Wilbur. The note was longer than most, and Tommy grabbed it to be able to read it clearly.

_ I’m sorry, I really don’t know. Something inside me took over, I don’t know. It scared me, I didn’t know what was going on. I just felt so angry, so upset, I don’t even know. Somehow, when you started the duel, I thought you were a serious threat. I couldn’t see my brother, I only saw a threat. I don’t know why, it scares me to think about it. I heard someone in my head, they wanted me to kill you. I don’t know why, and it scares me. That voice might just be mine. I’m sorry. _

The silence that filled the room while Tommy read made Phil nervous. When the boy set the note down he looked concerned. 

“Techno, did you really hear a voice?”

The man nodded, his hands fidgeting and his eyes refusing to make contact. Phil sucked in a deep breath, how did he never know this? God, he was an awful father.

“Then it wasn’t your fault. Something happened, we can figure out what. And it will never happen again.”

Phil looked at Wilbur for the first time, and noticed his eyes were glued to Techno’s hands. The younger twin was still shaking, and he wrote another note. This one was set down facing Phil, indicating it was meant for him. The father read what his son had to say.

_ You mentioned therapy? Maybe that could help. _

Phil smiled, and looked at his three boys. He had decided long ago that he would never give up on them, and that he would always love them. That never stopped, and that’s what pushed him to find help for his boys.

“I have a few people we could try, and I want all of you to be there for the first times, okay?”

At three nods, he continued.

“This has not been easy, on any of us. We will figure out something, we will. Because we are a family, and I will never give up on you three. We will find a way to mend our relationships. It will not be easy. But hey? When is anything ever easy?”

The three boys all smiled, the first time in a while Phil had seen it. He smiled back, happy tears in his eyes.

“I love you, Tommy.”

“I know dad, love you too.”

“I love you, Wilbur.”

“I love you too, dad”

“I love you, Technoblade.”

“Love you.”

Phil quickly caught himself before freaking out, he turned to Techno. His voice was course, and he looked like he hadn’t spoken at all. Wilbur was praising Techno, and even Tommy was smiling at his brother.

“Thank you, Techno. We’ll get through this. You’ve all been so strong, and I’m so proud of all of you. Now, let’s get some rest huh?”

Phil took Tommy back to his room, leaving his twins for some time alone. Tommy seemed genuinely happy, and he said that he saw the real Techno out there. Phil gave Tommy a tight hug, and reiterated his pride. He spent a little longer than usual in Tommy’s room, wanting to give the twins the time they needed. At the squeak of the chair, Phil headed back. 

Wilbur was leading Techno back towards their room, and Phil waved at them with a big smile. Wilbur smiled back, and Techno gave a small wave. They were going to get through this, Phil knew that his boys were strong enough. After all, they were his boys. How could they be anything less than perfect?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes the title is a reference to Wilbur's album but it's not really referenced or anything. I hope y'all enjoyed this one. I wrote most of it from Phil's POV because sad dad :( but i might write the others POV throughout? Idk. Also, I hope this was a good representation, I struggle with impulsive thoughts and auditory hallucinations so I tried to write some of my experience I hope it's not terrible.
> 
> word count: 3860


	2. Can he break me, can he break you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Recovery is difficult, especially when the voices just wouldn't shut up. 
> 
> Techno (and Wilbur) POV of the same story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little more intense than the last, and goes a lot into a damaged psyche. There’s a lot of hallucinations, nightmares, and violence (in these nightmares) Death is a major part of this story. Internal thoughts will be presented like this: {internal} and notes/ASL will be in italics. TW for violence, blood, hearing voices, vomit/throwing up, mentions of death, visions of death, past abuse, and suicidal thoughts.

Techno was terrified, he couldn’t get out of his own mind. Red was the only color he could see, it stood out as if nothing else mattered. He wanted to just curl up and be forgotten. At some point, he had been moved inside. Wilbur was still with him, and Techno was incredibly thankful. Even though he could easily kill his twin- no, that wasn’t going to be happening.

He sat, curled up on his bed. Blankets and his brother were wrapped around him, holding him softly. Techno cried, finally letting himself collapse. He felt himself get held tighter as he choked out tears. Soon enough, the headache caught up to him and he passed out.

When the younger twin finally fell asleep, Wilbur cried softly into his shoulder. This sucked, he decided. He hated to see his baby brothers hurt, and he wanted to be there for both of them. However, he knew Techno needed him more. Tommy could turn to Phil, something Techno would probably never do. So Wilbur was with him, and he was good there.

After a little while, a knock came to the door. Techno luckily didn’t stir, and Wilbur called out to come in quietly. Phil entered the room, dropping off some food. After a short discussion, he left with soft ‘i love yous’ and Wilbur had to wait for Techno to stir to get their food.

Luckily, he didn’t have to wait long. Techno blinked up at his twin, and tilted his head in question.

“Dad dropped us off some food, do you want to eat?” 

At Techno’s small nod, Wilbur carefully pulled away. When he returned with the food, Techno had sat up on his bed. Wilbur gave him a soft smile, and handed him the food. A nice hot meal was very appreciated, and Wilbur sat next to his brother and they ate together. 

Techno still felt out of it, the feelings weren’t very easy to explain. If he had to put a word to it, he would say floating. He was just floating, he didn’t feel connected to his body or his mind. The food and Wilbur helped him feel more grounded, but he just felt off. 

“How are you?”

At his brother’s question, Techno simply shrugged. He was telling the truth, he didn’t really know how he was. He couldn’t put a word to his feelings, even if he could it didn’t matter. Wilbur softly pushed his shoulder against Techno’s, comforting him quietly.

The younger’s shaky right hand slowly went to his mouth, pushing it down with his palm up. Sign language, Wilbur recognized the simple  _ thank you _ . He smiled, whispering a ‘no problem’ back at him. The two stay sitting together, their shoulder’s brushing against each other carefully. Techno didn’t want to move away from the comfort, as the touch made him feel more real.

Luckily, Wilbur didn’t move unless his brother did. Eventually, the eldest fell asleep with his head resting against Techno’s shoulder. The younger didn’t sleep, his mind wasn’t running any more but instead empty. He just felt empty, knowing he should feel more emotions than he did. 

Technoblade was a monster, he’s known that for a while. From the moment he understood what a monster was, he knew he was one. Especially compared to the softness of Wilbur, or the kindness of Phil, or even the rough love of Tommy. Techno was none of that, instead just rage and violence. The voices that spoke to him just made it worse, they wanted him to let go and just be the monster. He didn’t want to, he hated that part of himself.

Family number three was adamant that Techno was a monster, the voices really didn’t like them. He protected his brother, not letting that mother corrupt Wilbur’s softness. When he spilled her blood, it had been an accident, but it felt so good. He watched as the people in suits took away the mother, and then they took Wilbur. He didn’t allow them to, and he remembered the voices telling him to kill the people. He didn’t want to, they didn’t hurt him. When Wilbur cried out, Techno saw red. That night was the first time he had floated away.

From then, it happened a few more times. Family number four wasn't very good to him. They were fine to Wilbur, so Techno never cared. When they had taken Wilbur, and lied about his death, Techno didn’t see straight for a day afterwards. He barely remembered what had happened, but he had awoken in a straight jacket. 

When he got out, Wilbur was there. He was okay, and the family was a bunch of liars. They had fed him pork, not his brother. He was relieved, but Wilbur told him that he had taken the life of that father. Not immediately, but apparently the man had died due to internal bleeding apparently caused by Techno. He wasn’t charged, and Wilbur and him went back to the orphanage. 

Fire had always called to Techno, and the voices wanted him to burn his current home. The next family to take them in was Phil, and he was kind. Techno liked him, and he spoke to him. Phil understood, and Techno was happy. 

Now, however, Phil probably hated him. Knowing that the child was a monster, knowing that he had adopted a killer. As Wilbur slept against him, Techno promised to himself that he would keep the older safe. That’s what he was supposed to do with Tommy, and he failed. He would not fail again, and even if Phil made him leave he would keep Wilbur. That would be okay, Techno decided. 

Time passed, and before Techno was aware of it, Wilbur was awake again.

“Did you get any sleep?”

He shook his head, knowing it was useless to lie.

“Are you tired?”

A shrug.

“Feel free to sleep whenever, I’ll be here.”

A nod, Techno already knew that but it was nice to hear aloud. {He’s lying, he will leave you all alone. Take his life before he gets the chance.} Shut up, Tehno internally told himself. That voice was his least favorite, and he wished it would just go away.

Wilbur walked around the room, cleaning up and making it feel better for the two of them. He knew they would be there for a good while, so he cleaned to make it bearable. Techno just stared into the wall, trying to understand the whispers behind his eyes. 

{Run away}

{Stab him, now!}

{You’re a monster}

{Become the monster you are, kill him!}

{Wait for Phil, you have to kill them all together}

{Kill, now! Now! Blood for the blood god!}

Techno shook his head, attempting to get everything out. He probably shouldn’t have listened closely, every voice was an asshole. He knew that, it was stupid enough to actually listen and yet he did it anyways. Techno was a fool, and he let himself float a little to get away from it.

“-no? Techno? Hey, baby brother? Are you still with me?”

Techno was drawn out of his state with his brother’s voice, noticing that his hands were currently held by the elder. He looked into Wilbur’s concerned eyes and nodded carefully. Wilbur let out a sigh of relief at his brother’s nod, apparently happy that he was still there. Techno didn’t fully understand why.

{He hates you, he’s going to kill you if you don’t do it first.}

Techno stared into Wilbur’s eyes to clear his head. He gently squeezed his brother’s hand, letting him know that he needed more comfort. 

“Hey, hey, don’t worry. I’m right here, I'm not going to hurt you. I’ve got you, don’t worry.”

Wilbur continued to softly comfort his brother, Techno appreciating it. He floated back into his body, suddenly feeling sick. He looked at his brother with concern before suddenly pulling violently away from him. His legs kicked out, pushing him towards the bathroom. Unfortunately, he didn’t make it. Luckily, there was a trashcan nearby. 

The meal from last night pushed back up Techno’s throat, falling into the trash in front of him. He leaned over, spitting up bile and chunks as Wilbur softly stroked his back. He coughed, sitting on his knees and stared into the disgusting mass in the can. 

“I’ve got you, let it out.”

So Techno did, falling in on himself and sobbing his lungs out. Now that his brain was back in his body, he was overwhelmed by the onslaught of emotions that had been previously buried. Wilbur held him carefully, whispering words of encouragement. 

{You dare be weak in front of an enemy? You just slaughter him! Take our place as a god!}

Techno shuddered out a breath, and cried harder. That stupid voice just wouldn’t leave him alone. He was safe, his brother would take care of him. He knew that, but apparently the voice didn’t. So he was stuck in this spiral of trusting himself, and hating himself. He just wanted everything to be over.

Eventually, he passed out again. Wilbur wondered to himself if that’s the only way Techno would get sleep nowadays. Probably, he mused, thinking about how distant the young man had been. From his perspective, everything was very confusing. He could see Techno’s eyes focus as if he was listening to someone. He could see him slump back as he seemingly left his body. He could see everything snap back into him, and his body took over to vomit. 

Wilbur softly laid Techno on the ground, making sure his unconscious twin would be safe. He silently took out the vomit-filled bin, skirting past Tommy’s door. As he made his way back to his room, the youngest called out to him.

“Wilbur?”

He cursed to himself, he was not ready for this conversation. He couldn’t even give any good news, Techno was nowhere near all right or even better. 

“Yeah, Tommy?”

“Can you come in here?”

Wilbur let out a soft sigh, praying that Tommy wouldn’t ask the hard questions. But who was he kidding? Tommy always asked the hard questions, it was part of his charm. It certainly wasn’t charming now. He pushed the door open more, slowly shuffling into the child’s room.

Tommy lay on his bed, his shirt replaced with a sweaty tank top making Wilbur wonder when the kid last changed. His arm was covered in bandages, wrapped tightly and carefully placed to relieve the pain. Wilbur noticed the pill bottle and water on the bedside table, and tried to not think about how many painkillers the kid had taken. He seemed pretty out of it, his good arm reaching out absentmindedly to hold Wilbur’s hand.

The eldest obliged, softly squeezing his baby brother’s hand in comfort. Tommy let out a shaky sigh, his eyes fluttering open and closed as he stared up at the ceiling.

“Thanks for saving me, big man.”

“Don’t mention it, kiddo.”

“Wh- why? Why’d he do it?”

“I- I don’t know…”

“Okay, sorry. Bye-bye.”

Tommy dropped Wilbur’s hand, drawing his arm towards his chest. He was clearly not content with the answer Wilbur had, he wished he could have said more. There was nothing more to say, though. Truely, Wilbur had no idea why. He would try to figure it out, but Techno needed to be much more stable before he pushed the question.

Carefully, Wilbur returned to his shared room. Relieved, he found Techno exactly where he left him. Passed out on the floor, breathing quietly. Wilbur sat on the floor, leaning against the wall. He wondered if Techno was dreaming, and what about. He hoped that it was a nice dream, his brother deserves some happiness.

Techno was not having a nice dream, in fact it was pretty shit. He stood alone on a battlefield, bodies all around him. He couldn’t recall killing them, but he knew it was by his sword they fell. He wondered if this event was a battle, or if he just killed innocents. His eyes slowly scanned the corpses, questioning if the red he saw was a hallucination or just the blood stains.

{Blood for the blood god!}

Among the corpses, he saw people he recognized. Everyone from previous families, to people he saw at the market, to the distant faces of his birth parents. It seemed everyone at his feet was someone he knew, even if just for a second. His eyes passed a body, and he froze. No, this couldn’t be. 

{Yes, finally! Rid you of your weakness! Your pitiful, human connectections!}

He had first seen Phil, his hands clutched to an apparent neck wound. Although it seemed he had fallen trying to protect someone else. The one slain behind him was Tommy, along with his friend Tubbo. Both of the young children had their eyes still open in fear. The glassy-ness that accompanied death made Techno feel sick. He turned away, but the next eyes he locked with almost broke him. 

Wilbur’s face was indescribable. Full of fear, yet also laced with some form of satisfaction. His chest had a sword-sized hole in the middle, and he laid with his glassy eyes turned towards the sky. His lips were slightly opened, perhaps he was speaking when he passed. That would be just like him, spouting poetry to the very end. 

The horrors of seeing his family dead weren’t what upset Techno the most, it was the knowledge that he had done this. This was his doing, all of the innocent lives lost. Due to his insanity, the blood spilled would forever soak the earth. And some sick side of him was happy, he was free. 

{Blood for the blood god}

The voice whispered in his head, and he wondered if that’s what he had become. Some sort of god, or a puppet of one. Killing based on commands no one else could hear, taking lives for something that didn’t exist. He felt satisfied, disgusted, and mostly confused. The sword still clutched in his hand felt so familiar, yet so foriegn. He felt himself scream, and he was back home.

When Techno awoke, he almost threw up again. Across from him sat Wilbur, asleep against the wall. On the desk sat a cold plate of food, presumably left by Phil for Techno after Wilbur ate his serving. The younger twin stared at his brother, unable to get the sight of him covered in blood out of his head. 

{Make it come true, kill him now.}

God, that voice really needed to shut up. Techno slowly stood, picking up the plate and emptying its contents into the toilet. He watched everything be flushed away, and placed the plate next to Wilbur’s on the desk. He was awake now, and no one else in the house was. It was around midnight, and the moon shone brightly into his room. He looked out the window, glancing at the monsters that roamed outside of their protected home. 

{Go out, go kill them. No one would notice}

{They’d be proud of you}

No, he decided. It was too risky to let himself outside, he could hurt someone if he got too caught up. And he knew that he would, so he reluctantly sat back onto his bed. He watched as Wilbur’s chest slowly rose and fell, imagining a sword piercing the moving form. He didn’t particularly enjoy the image, but it was something. For a split second, he was glad there weren't sounds to accompany the hallucinations.

Too hasty of a celebration, far too hasty. The hallucination progressed everytime it repeated, adding on sounds and more visuals. Eventually, Wilbur would wake up to the sword in his chest and scream. Then Phil would burst down the door, and be met with a knife to his throat. He would throw himself towards the hall, trying to protect someone behind him. It wouldn’t work, as Tommy’s scream would give his position away. His head ended up to the side as Techno snapped his neck quietly. It just continued, as more people added to his vision. It was turning into the blood god’s dream. 

{Finally, now do it! Kill them all!}

“Techno? You with me?”   
  


Things clicked back into normalcy, and Techno quickly shoved Wilbur away from him. He was terrified, he didn’t want to hurt his brother. The voices didn’t agree with his feelings. Wilbur fell to the ground with a huff, and he looked up at his brother with concern rather than fear. 

Techno shook his head and held his hands out, telling his brother to not get close. 

“No touching?”

Techno shook his head again, wishing he knew the sign for ‘not safe’ but he was able to mouth the words carefully.

“Not safe? What’s not safe?”

Techno slowly pointed to himself, hoping his twin would understand.

“You? You’re not feeling safe?”

Techno quickly shook his head, pointing again at himself and mouthing ‘not safe’ over and over.

“You’re not safe? Techno, you’re perfectly safe here. What’s wrong?”

He shook his head yet again, frustrated that he wasn’t being understood.

“I don’t understand? You’re not safe? Like, for me to be around?”

Techno threw his hands up in relief, nodding at the correct answer. 

“Techno, you’re perfectly safe for me to be around. I can handle myself, and there’s nothing in me that can hurt me. I know, I cleaned. I’m safe, and if you’re really worried I can get Phil?”

Techno adamantly shook his head, he was terrified of his vision coming true. WIlbur nodded, standing slowly to be facing his brother. He smiled at him, and held his hands out.

“I feel safe, why don’t you feel the same?”

Techno pointed at his head, and then moved his hands around wildly to express what the hallucination felt like. 

“You saw something in your head?”

Techno nodded carefully, holding his hands close to his chest. His twin nodded carefully, trying to understand how to help. It was a little frightening to know that Techno was having hallucinations that made him afraid of himself. They locked eyes and Wilbur tried to make Techno feel more comfortable. 

It didn’t work very well, as Techno stayed still, holding himself carefully. Wilbur turned, collecting sheets of paper and crayons. He deposited the materials in front of Techno, and explained to him why he gathered them.

“If you can, write what you saw?”

Techno nodded carefully, and took a piece of paper and a blue and red crayon. He wrote carefully, his hands shaking as he wrote. He would switch colors often, and Wilbur couldn’t help but wonder why. 

_ There was a battle, I think, and everyone dead was someone I knew. I saw Phil, and Tommy, and Tubbo, and then you.  _ **_I had killed everyone._ ** _ It was scary  _ **_but it felt good_ ** _. When I woke up, you were asleep. _ **_I kept killing you._ ** _ It kept getting worse, and I was scared. I don’t want to hurt anyone.  _

Wilbur took a moment to understand what Techno had written, the red words standing out in a terrifying way. It was honestly a little worrying to read what his little brother had seen. He wasn’t afraid of him, but more afraid for him. He was worried for the young man, this could not be easy to be going through.

“Techno, man. This sounds awful, are you okay?”

Techno was surprised at the question, confused as to why his brother cared about him after reading that note. He nodded softly, he was fine. At least, he thought so.

“Are you sure?”

He paused, before shaking his head no. He wasn’t really sure, again confused on how he really felt. 

“It’s okay to not know, we will get through this. Did you feel comfortable writing? It really helps me understand what you’re thinking.”

Techno nodded, he actually did enjoy writing. He wished he was able to speak to his brother, but his voice just didn’t work. He could write though, and that was a great form of communication. He wanted his brother to understand him, and this was a way to do it.

“Thank you, we can do this. Together, okay?”

He nodded, quickly scribbling down a note. Wilbur read it carefully,  _ I’m sorry _ . 

“Don’t apologize, Techno. This is really hard for you. I promise it will be okay, though. Phil will take care of us.”

Techno nodded, setting down the paper and crayons. He wanted so desperately to believe his brother, believe that everything would be okay. That they would be able to move on, and forget this whole thing. Well, maybe not forget but still move on. But with the way the voices spoke to him now, he was worried they would just keep getting worse. Maybe he should tell Wilbur that the voices weren’t just in dreams, but all the time. 

{You can’t tell him about us, it leaves us all vulnerable.}

The voice piped up in his head, and he actually agreed with it. He didn’t want to be sent to some insane asylum because of a few bloodthirsty voices. He could handle himself, Wilbur didn’t need to know how much they spoke to him. That was a secret he was more than willing to keep. 

Wilbur carefully put the materials away, making sure they were still in easy access in case Techno needed to grab them quickly. Soon enough, a knock came to the door and Techno looked at Wilbur in fear. He was not ready to see Phil, much less answer the questions he was bound to have. Luckily, his twin was a quick thinker and shoved the younger towards the bathroom carefully. Techno took the cue, and scurried into the small space, locking the door.

He pressed his ear against the door, attempting to hear the conversation on the other side. There wasn’t much speaking, as Phil just delivered food and said goodbye. He did call out an ‘I love you’ to Techno, who thought it was a little odd for him to say that.   
  


{He’s lying, you know?}

‘I know’ Techno thought back at the voice inside his head, tired of it constantly speaking about what he didn’t want to think about.

{You’re a monster, and he hates you}

‘I know’ Techno thought again, hoping it would quiet down. Luckily, it actually did this time and Techno was able to hear Wilbur on the other side of the door. 

“Techno, you can come out now, Phil is gone.”

Slowly, Techno exited the bathroom. He saw Wilbur sitting upon his bed, holding a plate of food. His own plate sat on the desk, and he made his way over. After a pregnant pause, and a lot of awkward silence, Techno was seated on his own bed with a plate matching Wilbur’s.

“I know you didn’t eat last time, just try a little. Phil’s cooking is great, I’m sure you won’t get sick.”

Techno scoffed lightly, only mildly upset that Wilbur had found out about his food flushing tactic. He had hoped to keep that up for at least a little longer. He wasn’t necessarily angry, but more just upset that he had been discovered. Wilbur’s glance was almost judging, watching to make sure Techno was eating.

He tried to calm down his hands and eat carefully, the shakiness was annoying to say the least. As he ate, Wilbur’s gaze dropped as he ate as well. The silence was actually comforting this time around, if only because everything was silent. While eating, the voices decided to give him a break. Did they decide things? He didn’t want to think too hard about that.

Wilbur finished his meal before Techno was even halfway done, he was taking his time to try and keep his stomach stable. His brother didn’t seem to mind, simply putting his dish on the desk and laying on his bed. He watched Techno carefully, trying to make it seem as if he wasn’t. Techno didn’t know if he appreciated the gesture, or loathed it. 

It didn’t matter too much, as soon Techno finished his own meal and carefully placed his plate next to Wilbur’s. He returned to his bed, shooting a glance at his brother. The older twin caught his gaze, and raised an eyebrow in questioning. 

Techno moved his hands to signal he wanted something, almost asking permission. It took a second for Wilbur to understand him, but it clicked fast enough. The elder scooted over in his bed, patting the now vacant spot. Techno smiled and laid next to his brother, curling up to get some much needed comfort.

His brother didn’t mind, taking the opportunity to rub his twin’s back and hum a small tune. The song was something Phil had sung to them long ago, when they were first adopted and having regular nightmares. Something about a fantastical nation, L’manburg or something like that. The familiar tune helped Techno feel calmer, like he was a child once again. Not a scared and hurt child, but a happy warm kid who was falling asleep in his fathers arms. It reminded him of the times before the voices, the times before the pain. He missed those times a lot nowadays.

The calmness of the situation lulled Techno into sleep, and he felt content as he slipped away. He began to dream at some point, but all he saw was fields of red. He would stand, and breathe calmly before a wave of blue washed it all away. When he awoke, he was calm. He didn’t have a nightmare, and the voices were quiet. Maybe he was actually doing better.

{Failure}

He spoke too soon, the voices were back. Of course, his least favorite was the one to return first, cussing him out for not killing his family or himself. He ignored the voice, and curled back into Wilbur’s form to let his brother sleep. 

{Kill him, you fool. Do it now, while he is vulnerable!}

‘Be quiet, no one likes you’ Techno hissed internally back at the voice, he was getting more tired of it by the day. It was true, no one liked the voice. Nevermind the fact that the only person who knows of its existence is Techno. 

Wilbur eventually woke up, and the day went as normal. Days kept passing by, some slower and some faster. But each day was mostly the same, the sun rose and fell all the same everyday. Paper and crayons started running low, and Wilbur grabbed some from around the house. Phil would bring dinner every night, and Techno got more comfortable eating. He once had written to Wilbur that next time Phil came to give dinner and he was awake, he wanted to see the man.

It worked out well, as Phil didn’t say anything but had a massive smile on his face. When he said his ‘i love you’ to the twins, Techno wrote out a response.  _ I love you dad _ . He saw the happy tears in Phil’s eyes before he quickly excused himself. As soon as the door was closed, WIlbur was all over him. 

“Techno! I’m so proud of you! You wrote to Phil, you’re so brave!”

{You’re so weak!}

Techno focused on his brother, smiling at his praise. He ignored the insults from the voice, it was wrong. At least, that’s what he wanted to believe. That night, he had a good dream, one where Phil was proud of him. Sure, he still ended up with blood pouring out of his throat but it felt different. It was unexplainable.

Wilbur had been leaving the room more often, he would bring back paper and news of Tommy’s health. Apparently the kid was improving greatly, and the bandages were now gone. Techno wondered what the scar looked like, but Wilbur didn’t specify. Probably for the best, as Techno imagined that scar on the youngest’s neck far too often.

Eventually, Techno wrote out that he wanted to leave the room as well. He missed the rest of his home, and he actually wanted to see Phil again.

{You could grab a knife, kill them all.}

‘Jesus christ’ he thought back at the voice ‘just be quiet.’

Wilbur led his brother out of their room, and Techno gripped his brother’s hand like his life depended on it. Phil smiled brightly at their appearance, making small conversation with his oldest son. Techno continued to write notes to both Wilbur and Phil, even some to Tommy. He wondered how the child was doing.

The voice didn’t appreciate being ignored, or Techno telling it to be quiet. It started saying more annoying shit, constantly complaining about the lack of violence in the household. It was getting easier to just ignore it, and draw little smiley faces on his papers.

Phil once came with a note, from Tommy apparently. It was easy to tell he wasn’t lying, Tommy’s messy handwriting was unmistakable. Beneath where Techno had written out  _ I’m sorry _ , a messy  _ it’s not your fault _ staring up at him. As soon as Phil left, he cried. Wilbur held him carefully, reaffirming what Tommy had written.

{Liars, it is your fault. You are a monster. Plain and simple}

Techno let out a sigh at the voice, a different one than normal. This one didn’t hate others, it hated him. Wilbur gave him a questioning glance, and handed him a paper. Techno stared for a good while before deciding it was time. 

_ I hear voices, some of them are mean to me and some are mean to you guys. One of them tells me to kill you. One of them tells me to kill myself. I am not a big fan of them. _

The wait for Wilbur to read his note was excruciating, as he seemed to take forever. He was just trying to understand, but the voices cried out that he was judging them. That he hated Techno, and that he never should have told. Eventually, Wilbur set down the paper and looked into his brother's eyes.

“It’s ok, thank you for telling me. It’s good that you can ignore them, I’m proud of you.”

The elder twin gave his brother a swift hug, holding him tightly. Techno melted into the contact, ignoring the screaming in his head about being weak. It didn’t matter, he told them. He was safe here, in Wilbur’s arms.

The next days passed quickly, Techno traveling out of the room more often. He would give notes to Phil, a lot of them going to Tommy. When Phil said Tommy wanted to see him, Techno just wasn’t ready. The voices were very loud that day, saying that if he was with all three he could finally kill them all. He had the nightmare again that night, waking up with tears in his eyes and a pain in his chest. Wilbur held him when he woke up, and after a few more days he was ready.

The voices could not control him forever, if he wanted to see his brother he was going to see his brother. He passed the information along, and Phil set up a time for them all to be together. The family meeting was awkward but it went well. Telling Phil and Tommy about the voices went well, not in his head but outside was perfect.

Phil seemed happy, and so did Tommy. The scar was tucked away from Techno’s vision, intentional or not he appreciated it. He didn’t want to see the destruction he had caused. Phil mentioned therapy, and Techno agreed he was willing to try it. Maybe that would silence the voices once and for all.

The night ended like it usually did, Phil giving his round of love to his sons. When he spoke to Techno, the genuine love and happiness in his eyes made Techno feel different than normal. He felt happy, loved, and ready to go forward.

“Love you”

God, his voice was disgusting. Immediately after speaking, his family froze before breaking into the biggest smiles he had seen yet. Wilbur gripped his hand, saying he was proud. Techno looked down at his hands, the voices upset that he had been so vulnerable. He didn’t care, those guys could suck it for all he cared. 

Later, back in their shared room Wilbur gave Techno a comforting hug. It certainly wasn’t the end, but they could keep going. Techno had a good dream that night, no blood, no violence. Just calmness, his brothers playing and singing and his dad being happy. The voices were no where to be heard, and Techno felt a sense of relief wash over him.

Maybe this wasn’t the end of the world after all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this makes sense and is a good representation, I’m still mostly going off my own experiences. Leave a kudos or comment if you enjoyed :)
> 
> Word count: 5448

**Author's Note:**

> Yes the title is a reference to Wilbur's album but it's not really referenced or anything. I hope y'all enjoyed this one. I wrote most of it from Phil's POV because sad dad :( but i might write the others POV throughout? Idk. Also, I hope this was a good representation, I struggle with impulsive thoughts and auditory hallucinations so I tried to write some of my experience I hope it's not terrible.
> 
> word count: 3860


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